9. June 2017 by Swiss
It’s been a while since my last blog post, but who cares these days apart from some occasional neurotics who count days and minutes. I don’t. I prefer to focus on wine time with my friends whenever my little group of teenage monsters let me go. Wine tastes so much better after a tough but good work shift.
I’m also trying hard to not lose my point here which is not so easy when thinking of wine. But ok. So, occasionally, I have chats with people I just met, strangers or acquaintances – not close friends. Without even knowing how – and I swear I don’t take initiative here – we quickly get to the subject of the males in my life.
Honestly? I consider to put phrases like ‘You got to love yourself first before you can love someone else – #ohreally’ OR ‘Men are intimidated by strong women like you. They prefer princesses. – #vomit’ OR ‘Let him chase you. Don’t be so open and available. –
#Iam39not14andIdontplayfuckingstupidgames’ OR ‘Don’t tell him what you want. It will scare him off. – #pussyorwhat’. Mostly, this wisdom comes from people who are in a relationship for what feels like forever and I suspect their capability to imagine a more or less single life at the age of 39 is below zero. Insert weeping here.
I have been in a relationship with myself for almost 40 years now and despite decades of hating myself, I do love myself today. Plus, I have no intention whatsoever of changing my kinky, sassy, loud, extroverted and hyper nature, because clearly, I have no skills to do so and I simply don’t want to and don’t see a reason at all, even with people trying to entice me to walk on the proper side of life. Oh, and wait – I should let him chase me, but he’s initimidated by my attitude? How’s that going to work out? Enlighten me, please.
When I hear quotes like this, and I consider putting them on a shirt, it leads me to wonder: in a world, where communication is high on our priority list, where honesty and authenticity are the most preferred skills in online dating profiles, where people above 30 call themselves ‘mature’, where hipsters are the new kids on the block, where we are offered infinite possibilities on what to do with our lives – could staying true to yourself be a bane? Or, are the infinite possibilities the actual problem – we can’t see the wood from the trees? Are all singles above 35 cushions? As in, we don’t want to settle, instead we keep all our cards in play, with a reliable standby for when the risky options fall through? Are we – standing in this humongous wood of dates and doubts – failing
to see the one? When did dating become such a mass of fuss, foreplay, cushioning,
ghosting, the three dots game, a spectacle, play, drama? I want to love dating again.
I still see the phenomenon these days that strong, confident and independent women seem to be the modern-day equivalent of an alien.
Even though I feel like we should have gotten used to it by now. Granted, I support this trend with a passion and am filled to the brim with it myself, yet I am not willing to understand why some people should be scared of it and why the idea arises to suppress this nature in order to be chased and to be found for love. A strong-minded woman is not to be equated with a monster. She’s not walking around swatting men (maybe some, but they deserve it). She is emotionally perfectly equipped and sensitive just like everyone else. Stop making this a reason to run away.
I have no plan on how a man should look or be like for me to fall in love. I have often
felt attracted to all sorts of types of men for various reasons. I mean, it does help if he is visually stunning all while being extremely funny and smart which I recognize doesn’t always fit the definition of easy to find. I swear, I plan to adapt my high expectations
down to rational/moderate. Anyway, after a circus of dating and – yes I did – swatting the one or the other, a bazillion of self-doubts and trying to figure out what to change and which mistake not to repeat, I decided to stay exactly the way I am. I will not start to play any stupid games to see the reaction and then be frustrated if the result is otherwise. Who the hell’s got time and energy for such bullshit anyways? I got shit to do, so come ON. Plus, I’m in my thirties, even though this is hard to believe if you listen to my jokes. I like games indeed, just different. Sexual innuendo intended.
And…I will always shout what I think from the rooftops, I will always wear short and body-hugging clothes, I will always curse like a trooper if the situation deems it necessary, I will always squeal while laughing and I will always make the first step in a flirt attack if I feel like it.
I will always be open, extroverted, available, sassy, emotional, empathic, loud and nice. This is me, take it or leave it – and I will teach my teenage kids exactly that. No prisoners taken.
Text&Pictures by Lucie Pfaendler