17. February 2017 by Swiss
It took me several attempts to write an intro to this post; intros are – as we know by now – by far my favorite part of every blogpost. Dripping sarcasm here and besides that; I might be slightly gifted with words and articulation, yet I feel averse to the first couple of sentences of an article. So I decided it to be overrated and not to formulate it. In fact, in my overarticulated, exceedingly verbal life, I enjoy the few instances where it’s perfectly appropriate to shut up. I hope you can fly with this decision.
Let’s play without an intro.
I stopped counting the amounts of time I got asked about the status of my family planning. Much to the dismay of the enquirer, I negated the question if I ever want to have children, which was followed by an affected face and a pitiful look by him/her. ‘Never say never!’ Insert rolling eyes here.
I work in a home where teenager and children live who haven’t been raised in an ordinary house or an ordinary family setting. Clearly, I am a big fan of the youth and I wouldn’t want to be working anywhere else than there and with them. ‘You’d be such a great Mom’. Maybe, but on a more profound note, I have come to find it could be tricky if I had the responsibility of a Mom. I may be trusted around teenagers and animals which doesn’t mean I would be an equally good mother to my own children, actually I smell scandalous incidents if I ever had to handle two or – god forbid – three tiny humans. I’m hyperactive, selfish, loud and I like to speak with a litany of name-calling profanities. I have incredibly childish retorts to almost every predicament or argument and I live the adventure of life spontaneoulsy, meaning I have no plan whatsoever apart from my working schedule.
This short video of Mirandas sarcasm sums up my life – please pay close attention to the scene at 2:37. That’s why motherhood isn’t for me. I can’t possibly spend my life trying not to accidentally kill my kid.
And while I am well aware of the fact that I don’t necessarily need a husband or a boyfriend to raise a child, I decided to not have children. I’m almost certain that my body won’t feel insulted if I skip its capacity to carry out a baby and just use it for sexually pleasurable moments. Seems legit to me. I like men. I flirt with them, I love to spend time with them and I might fall in love with one of them someday. I like sex and I do it on a regular basis, albeit not to grow a tiny human in my body; more so for pleasure and to keep my hormone balance in check. I am not looking for a father of my children though.
I am surrounded by children and babies, 90% of my friends are parents or planning to be. Yet, I have never been desperate to be a Mom, I have never experienced this imploring wish to have a child on my own. I see and hear how unique this love is and what it means to be a mother – however, I am still not intrigued and I prefer my life as a non-parent. Even if that means that people think I must feel incomplete, unhappy, a failure and don’t know what the heck to do with myself for the rest of my life.
And maybe, one day I will be sad that I didn’t experience the wonder of childbirth and that I will never get visits from my grandchildren. Who knows. However – at work, I am surrounded by kids whose parents reproducted ‘accidentally’; or ‘because they were young and it was romantic’; out of selfishness; out of a mood. In any case, they didn’t make it to keep up the responsibility for their decision back then and these kids experience negligence at its worst. That’s exactly why I love to be there and trying to make their world a better place and why I thought about this motherhood subject more than once. Children are a lifetime project – I feel too many people like to ignore this rather important fact.
For now and the next couple of years, I perpetuate the perception that I am better off without kids. I prefer to be able to work full-time and to do whatever the fuck I please anytime and anywhere. When I look at my teenagers, my heart melts, but I am far from wishing to start at the very beginning of raising them. I love my life exactly the way it is – fullfilled with friends and shenanigans, hobbies and traveling – which – side note – allows me to travel as compact as a snail without kids. Even if I carry 40kg of luggage with me, but one trains for a reason, right? I am looking for love, not for marriage. I am looking for love, not for reproduction. I feel complete, exactly the way I am.
And while I am writing this and sorting out my thoughts about this subject, it leads me to wonder: Is motherhood the ultimate lifegoal? And if not, are we, non parents, to be expected to explain, why we decide differently? In a world, where people strive for independence, freedom and self-determination – why does a childless life still get the smug face? Is dying without issue a reason to be depressed? What is more selfish, to reproduce ourselves or to live our life without caring for reproduction?
Whatever you do, decide knowingly, conciously and stay aware – without judging what your fellow people around you do.