When I was little……

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11. January 2013 by Swiss

When I was little, I had no idea what a diet is. I didn’t even know that food could change your body in any way. I was fed by my parents with good and healthy food, with sugar here and there to treat us, but food was mainly there to satisfy our hunger and in order to grow. When it was breakfast time, we had breakfast, a snack at mid morning and lunch for lunch. Because it felt right. We had to eat so we had energy to go back playing in the garden. I never ate because I felt angry, sad or depressed.

When I was little, I was happy when it was christmastime, because that meant, that Santa Clause would visit us, that we would bake a lot with Mom, that we could craft presents by ourselves and celebrate the christmasdays with the family. Christmas wasn’t about too many cookies, about the fear of gaining weight, about an ‘After-Christmas-Cleanse’ or about workouts on christmasday. It was about being together, feeling HOME and warm, about sleeping in, giving presents, being excited about the christmastree and about singing songs.

When I was little and felt sick, or tired, I would rest. I did not run around because I ‘had to’, I did not play or riding the bike to stay active. I listened to my body and did what it told me. Ok, maybe not always. I never ever forget, when I was totally desperate, because I wanted to go to school so badly, but I was sick. My Mom told me:’ Your body is tired and unhappy. It says, that it need rest and you can’t play around now.’ I said: ‘But I did not hear my body saying anything!’ – well my Mom was so right and most of the time I listened.  I did what my body was asking for, and not what my mind told me.

There was a day, when that changed completely. It did not happen from one day to the other, it creeped in, slowly. But finally, my mind took over the control. My Ego was bigger than anything what you would call inner peace. How that happened and what happened after, is another post.

Anyway, from this day on my naive but pure children mind was gone and the fight started.

When I look at children today, I can not help but wish for their pureness. They live in the very moment. When they play, the play. When they eat, they eat. When they look at a picturebook, that is the only thing on their mind. Whatever they do, it’s the most important thing in THAT very moment. No planning, no worrying. Well, I know that we can not remain children for all our lives and I am very very thankful for all the experience I was given through these 34 years of my life. Even though there were a lot difficult ones – they only made me stronger and made me the woman I am today. But I try every day to win back some of this easiness and especially to just accept the body as my body and not as an object that should be judged or changed or hated.

Today, as a’grown-up’, I might still focus too much on food and how my body is supposed to look like. I might still plan my meals very detailed and not listen carefully enough to what my body actually is craving. I might workout too much even though my body needs a rest.

But I also realize, that in my recovery I slowly, slowly get the focus back – with the help of meditation, awareness and patience. A lot of patience. The focus on life. The awareness of the beauty that is happening around me. The focus on precious moments. The awareness of my body and all its beauty and capability. The focus and awareness of Love – Love for my family, my man, my friends and for ME.

What are your most precious children memories?

Have a fantastic start into the weekend friends!

xxx

Lucie